April 5, 2017

Goodnight 😔

What a day is all I can say. And oh how exhausted I am. I’m really starting to feel the pain of working everyday. I thought I was gonna get tomorrow and the next day off but I only get tomorrow off. I’m not sure if I can do this or not. And I still need to find a different full time job because the one I have makes me feel like I don’t have a life working 12 hours a day ugh! On my only day off I have stuff to do. Won’t be much time to rest. 😩
I’m laying here watching my new favorite show…American horror story! I love it. Kinda confusing but I like it like that. 
I’m trying to unwind but it’s hard too. Didn’t have a good day at all. Had to work my ass off doing extra work because apparently we ain’t killing our selves enough for them. So disgusted with that place. 
I just want to be happy y’all. And it’s so hard to be. I’m doing everything I can for myself. I’m working so hard towards making it all work out for me for now and my future. I’m not giving up I’m just tired. A little positive activity in what I’m working on would be nice but I know you can’t make people like ya or watch or follow you. Just takes patience. On another note I want to feel wanted instead of feeling like just another female. You can only hide stuff with a smile for so long. Let me tell ya I hide a lot more than I write about. I did cry a for a tad bit earlier. I’m not talking about it, it’s just it hurts bad to feel unwanted or unnoticed. Still kinda teary eyed but I’ll get over it. You’d be amazed at how strong I’ve become, hell I shock myself. Walking around with a pain in your heart and gut for years will make ya strong. So dealing with stuff today is bit easier. I think I’ve learned to suppress it which is not healthy or harden my heart a little more every time I experience hurt or problems. Sometimes I just want to be wanted like everybody else does. I guess I look for it or want it too much. 
It’s taking me forever to write this. I keep stopping and watching my new show haha. I’ve been at it for an hour lol. I’m pretty sleepy too. Didn’t get much sleep last night either. I’m kinda feeling numb I think lol. 
Well I’m gonna quit writing, I can’t keep my eyes of my show lol. Have a great nights sleep everyone. 
Love, Lori💔

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