March 20, 2017

Morning πŸ€—

And morning it is lol. I hope y’all have a good day. It’s supposed to be nice and warm today here. Sucks I have to be at work and not getting to enjoying it much. 
I’m so mad at myself I tell ya. Once again I didnt get to the gym this morning. I overslept again! I guess all the staying busy and not sleeping much has caught up with me. But I want to go, I want to get toned up. Apparently after work would be easier than before work since I can’t get up early no more. Ugh. But that sucks since I don’t get off til 8pm from full time job which would put me going to bed really late. 
Sorry for always being negative. But when you feel like I feel that’s about all you got. No one truly understands me I don’t reckon, hell I don’t even totally understand myself. I just know I’m fighting everyday to find happiness within myself. And I felt better working out but I can’t wake up early enough. Apparently I’m going to have to go to bed as soon as I get in the door from work. Sucks because I won’t have anytime to just relax. 
I’m seriously going to have to have find a job where I don’t work these 12 hour shifts no more. I really can’t take it anymore, it’s just too much. I’ve been doing it for almost four years and I’m burnt out on it. 
With my son and his wife being here last night…..I didn’t cry myself to sleep. That felt pretty good. It really did. And getting to see a certain someone was very nice as well, always puts a smile on my face when we meet up. A smile that ain’t just a smile to cover up my pain. And seems to be the only one that can make me escape my troubles. It’s like all this shit I feel and deal with just goes away while we’re around each other. And when we’re not, I go back to dealing with my shit. ??? Idk why.  
I literally want to puke every morning I have to go that 12 hour shift job, pretty sure that means I need to move on to something else. It’s just too long…..all fricking day, it sucks ass! I’d rather do hours like 6-7am to 2-3pm to where I can actually feel like I have a life. Yea I’m gonna start hunting today. Like for real, I’m over it. 
On a positive note, I gotta keep moving and fighting, so I gotta get ready for work. Cant just quit. Have a great day!!!!

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