March 11, 2017

Thoughts of Mine

Everybody has random thoughts. But I think mine are turning into wishes and hopes and prayers. I wrote them down and read over them. Some are from just being lonely. Some from being hurt. Some are things I do or don’t. Others-frustrated, confusion, being sober, future, love?, hated job, always broke, barely making it….it goes on and on. I know we all have them but I figured I’d write mine down. If you all will write yours down on a piece of paper and read them over and over you will somewhat start accepting or understanding them. 

  • The quiteness that’s always around me consumes me
  • Sleep escapes me
  • Dreams-I hardly ever dream at night anymore, I can’t remember the last time I did
  • Sleeping alone is frightening 
  • Sleeping alone is miserable
  • Sleeping alone and no one there to cuddle up too, just a pile of pillows staring back at me
  • Waking up and no one there but me
  • Wanting to be and feel wanted
  • Always thinking of ways to make more money
  • Afraid to make new friends 
  • Afraid of love but wanting it so bad
  • Never feeling like I’m good enough
  • Never feel like I measure up
  • Always feel like I’m replaceable in any relationship 
  • Almost everything I do I do by myself
  • Disgusted with job to the point it makes me wanna throw up
  • Anxiety is ruining my life, it keeps me from going out almost anywhere 
  • I deal with everything thrown at me completely sober. I’m allergic to alcohol, can’t smoke weed due to job, I can’t tolerate any kind of pills, and I’m terrified of hard drugs
  • I want held…often
  • I’m sick of crying
  • I often feel the need to run away for some reason
  • I either can’t sleep or can’t wake up
  • No longer do I try to impress anyone, if you like me-great, if not-f’k off
  • I’ve grown fond of long baths, I either write or cry. And I do the same thing in my bed 
  • I can be happy all day. But when I turn the light out and roll over to sleep I will cry because there’s no one there with or for me 
  • Why can’t I get a grip?
  • Why does it feel like I’m not important? 
  • Why the hell do I think so damn much???

There’s tons more but I’ll stop. People don’t seem to be liking me talking about or being all sad too much. I’m sorry. I wrote this post just to get some of you to do what I did and write them down. Maybe it’ll change the way you think, maybe it will me too. Who knows?  I hope it was helpful not annoying or depressing. Sorry if it was. I started to not write it but then I thought well what if someone needs to read it for a step towards their breakthrough. Again who knows? 
I hope y’all had a great day! I was but then my dumbass got sick and had to leave work early. More lost money and more bill moving to get it all paid…ugh! Story of my life. Lol. 
I’ve noticed that there isn’t a bunch of views on my videos which means what I say on them you are missing. But I will tell you one thing I talked about and that is that my youngest son is getting married next Saturday!!!!  I’m happy and sad at the same time. But I’m happy for him and his fiancé!! 
Bye now❤️

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