Dear Future Self

Hope everyone is having a great day, it is so nice here in North Ga today. I cannot get myself to do anything today. I’m trying so hard not to take a nap because of work & gym time in the morning. I want to stay outside because its so nice but I think I’ll just be lazy today. I cleaned all day yesterday and didn’t sleep much last night. All I really have to do today is laundry & my lovely long bath later which I’m falling in love with madly! I just hope my tub is falling in love with me too…it should, it gets to see and hold my bare body everyday, wish it was more than a tub holding me everyday though lol.
I kinda started crying earlier because of a reason I ain’t talking about, well I kinda do below lol. But anyway, right when I started crying I got comments on youtube and more followers on my blog. Cheered me up. You guys have no idea how hard it is starting out, I didn’t either at first but I’m well aware of it now. It’s hard but I’m not giving up. I will make it!
And to my future self:

Don’t smoke so much
Don’t try to drink
Work hard but don’t kill yourself
It’s okay to take a break
Not everybody is going to like you
Not everybody is going to love you
STOP catching feelings unless it feels right and looks right
No you don’t have to answer every message
No you don’t have to date them all, regardless of what they say
Be yourself
Haters will hate, so what
Don’t try to do porn, bad idea
Do not be persuaded or fooled by a pervert
Concentrate on the ones that love you and give a damn about you
Go for a drive, a long one
Don’t feel like you are stuck, your not, its your life
If you want something, go get it
If you want someone, go get him
Don’t fall for a fuckboy, they will destroy you
Take that 2 hour bath
Quit that horrible job
Do what you love
Stand up for yourself no matter what it is
Go for a walk just because
Love your damn self first!!

Just a few things to remind myself of later. Life gets messy and busy. And right now I’m about to pull my hair out. I literally screamed at the top of my lungs in my truck the other day while I was out. A person can only take so much. It felt good to scream because crying is getting old. I want to be held but at the same time I think to myself why Lori? So you can be hurt some more? I’ve learned how to cuddle my pillows really well lol. I’ll be alright one of these days, I just have to find my place and myself. I have no routine really because I’m all over the place. I’m trying really hard to stop listening to men, not all but most. Because their conversations always end up with them just wanting to screw me. I’ve noticed with a few that they’ll ask something as simple as whats my favorite color and then a day or two later they ask again??????? If they don’t remember stuff about you, they’re really not in to you!! Which means I’m not important and I’m not the only one they’re talking to. They just want ass that’s all and I refuse. I’m over it. I’m considering putting all my facebook pictures on lock down. Apparently I come across as a whore or something. But I don’t know, I’m irritated with it.
Sorry I seem to be man hating, okay well I am lol. I’m sorry, not all are bad I know. It’s just the whole only reason they wanna talk is to hook up, fuck that. My phone is blowing up today that’s what has brought this on. Well I’m done talking about men hahaha. And women are guilty of the same shit as well, so men don’t think I only think its you, I don’t.
I plan on writing again when I get in my tub, not sure what about but it won’t be man hating LOL. I’ll talk to y’all later!
Love, Lori