January 27, 2017

Late night post-Still awake😳

I’m still awake, sucks. I have to work this morning too. It’s 3 am now, gonna be a long day lol. 
I’ve been in a pretty fairly good mood for a couple of days. And just want to say that I feel better. I think it was this past sunday or monday one I was in one of those sad moods, I think I may have even wrote about it not sure. I don’t go back and re-read what I’ve wrote most of the time lol. But anyway, it’s the worst feeling ever. Being that sad and there’s nothing or no one that can snap me out if it. Totally emotionless. I did notice that it’s not happening on it’s own, stuff or people trigger it. And it just free falls from there. Idk but I’m ok though for the most part. It’s just learning how to cope with my new life and adjusting. I used to get on here and whine about wanting a man here but now I’m getting to where I’m adapting to being alone and being free and really starting to love it. I go and come as I please, buy whatever, cook, get whatever, go wherever, watch whatever, crank the stereo up loud, and walk around half naked most of the time. I’m kinda getting accustomed to it 😜. Idk if I’ll let a man in the future live with me or not haha, he may have to sleep outside lol. 
I’m sharing this because it could help. Lately,  I’d say probably the last couple of months I’ve had problems with getting motivated about anything. I still do somewhat. But I’m getting better with it slowly, but one thing I’ve noticed is if I make myself hop in shower and get all dolled up even if I’m not doing nothing but staying home….I feel so much better about myself. Fixing my hair, putting on make up and making it look good. I’ll either wear my jeans and a t-shirt or wear hardly anything but make it sexy because it makes me feel good about myself. It really makes a difference in your overall attitude. And just puts you in a better mood to deal with the day. I don’t care that I’m basically wasting make up sometimes because my mental health is way more important. And also if I’m gonna be alone all day on a day off I’ll set up a time for my supper with a movie, just date myself 😜. Got a lot to do with loving yourself first before someone else can fall in love with you❤️. 
I posted a small post on my blog page about basically being yourself and not worrying what others think and being with whoever makes you happy and doing what makes you happy. Life is short…very short. Why do things or be with someone if your not happy with it or them at all? Why be miserable? I understand we have to work to survive but find something to do you can tolerate and be happier with, I’m hunting for something for myself job wise. I’m not happy there so that job has to go period. Some don’t mind it but it don’t work for me no more. If your daily routine is driving you insane, change it. If your love or ‘not in’ love life isn’t making you happy…change it. It’s your life! You live your life for you not someone else’s idea of how you should live. I know marriages or living together or whatever is sometimes hard to get out of, I understand that. But if you really want to be happy you’ll find a way, the same thing as with a job. If you’ve been working somewhere 10-20 years and it’s all you know but your miserable, find a way to better yourself and find a different company or a completely different career. I’m not just somebody sitting here talking out my ass, I’ve been through shit I know it’s hard and scary to make big changes. BUT are you happy? If not, start working at it no matter what’s making you miserable, a job, a relationship, a routine, your bills, your lifestyle even, maybe it’s drugs or alcohol and your sick of living that way….change it, change it all. It’s not impossible it IS doable! I promise! 
One thing I stopped doing recently like over the past month is I quit trying to have conversations or get to know everybody that messages me(those of you I am friends with don’t freak out, I’m not talking about you😊, y’all know who are). I’m too nice and I’ve tried so hard not to be rude to anyone. But it was driving me insane. I tried to talk to everybody but I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I was leading people on to what they thought might be a hopeful relationship or a hookup. But it was not making me happy, so I stopped. 
I got irritated with paying bills, driving around to do it so now I pay online or it’s bank drafted, all of them except two. Wasn’t happy driving around so I changed it. Even the smallest things to the biggest things can be changed. If I can do it y’all can do it. There’s too many options and opportunities for us to settle and be unhappy. 
I know this post is long but I’m awake and everybody is offline lol. I figured I would write to free and clear my mind. My youngest son is here spending the night, and him and his fiancé have been here two days in a row, really nice to have company. It helps to not feel so lonely. 
Oh something else, y’all gonna have to get a cup of coffee, I ain’t done yet hahahaha.😁. I was scrolling through some page somewhere and it was about being yourself and not wearing a mask in front of others. “Take off the mask when you are speaking to me”, I love that. I don’t like fake people and I can’t be fake if I try lol. My facial expressions will not let me haha. “Why should I fear the dark when the masks people wear in the sun are far more terrifying ?” That’s very true. We all have people around us that we think we know, but really don’t. I’d rather you just tell me the truth than lie to me and be yourself with me. There’s a lot I don’t even tell my best friends because some stuff ain’t important 
Ok I’m stopping now, y’all have a good day!
 Love, Lori💋

%d bloggers like this: