Another day of taking forever to get motivated haha. Hope everyone is having a more productive day than me. I need to do house chores and go job hunting. I physically can’t take much more of my job. It’s killing me lol. Here it is noon already and I’m just sitting here like whatever 😏. I used to be so fricking active it wasn’t even funny. Now I can’t muster the energy to go pee. Hate being like this but how do you get out of it? Shish!
I think I need to harden my heart as well. I care too damn much for people sometimes and I know I don’t hardly cross their minds. I’m a sucker for it or stupid for it I guess. I’ve always been that way since I was way younger. I guess it’s good to care about people but I always get walked on or hurt in the end. Always..Always me. I would literally give my last meal to somebody and they would be rude as hell to me the next day, that’s how it goes for me. I need to just be a bitch…period, and stop allowing myself to give a damn. The world is cruel and full of cruel cold hearted asses. No I’m not mad at anyone it’s just I’m done with the old me, allowing others to walk on me and not having the guts to say something or put a stop to it.
I know if your living right your supposed to help others but I’m done with putting too much into everything and everybody. Most only want what you can give them materialistic wise anyway. Your heart knows when someone really needs you because your heart will be led to them by God, and that’s the only way I will help from now on simply because I’m sick of being used. And your heart also knows who don’t need or want you except when they just want something from you but don’t care about your heart. All of the above is why I don’t have a ton of friends, I can see right through the lies and bullshit. Hardening my heart is for new people trying to enter my life, don’t want no more heartaches. Your heart being jerked around completely screws your life up. It sucks that I’ve been through so much that I can sit here and help others but at the same time I’m glad I can help others if that makes sense? Maybe that’s how I’m meant to help others?…by writing.
Anyway, sorry I just speak what I feel and that’s how I’m able to write. Actually I’m not sorry, I’m not apologizing. It’s truth and life and I’m just not afraid to speak it. Y’all have witnessed through my posts of my feelings and my life going up & down like a rollar coaster. It’s true, it’s really that way for me. Major life changes will screw you up. And trying to learn how to deal is really hard. And with me I’m all over the place anymore. Honestly I don’t understand why everything has happened to me or why people choose to use me, I don’t get it. I’m not a horrible person but apparently I’m not seeing what they see. Maybe I ain’t that great of a person like I think I am or maybe that’s just them causing me to feel that way, I don’t know. But I do know I’m done with a lot. And I will continue to be me regardless of what others think. One day someone special will appreciate me and realize that losing me is not something they wanna do. And will make it known they actually want me, all of me and only me.
I have no idea where ALL of this is coming from I swear! Lol. Some days I just wake up feeling like this. I guess partly because I wake up alone, maybe 😁. Being alone makes you think a lot and omg at how much you notice about people and stuff because you have nothing else to do haha. You realize your worth as well and become picky as hell too. Lol.
Ok I got stuff to do, I gotta get off here 😜. Y’all have a good day!!!!