January 23, 2017

Life changing talk with son

Hey y’all, I’m up. I napped some here & there. As some of you have or will see my post on fb. My youngest son is called to preach & even tho none of us is perfect, we all mess up. He came by last night to see me & we ended up talking about my life which is pretty messed up. My boys know me better than anybody & they are worried about me because I haven’t been living the life I used to live. I got lost somewhere along the way and everything just got out of control. I’m not on drugs or anything life threatening I’m just not living my life like I should be or like I used to. I have no idea what changes are coming or what the next step in my life is but I know I can’t keep living like I have been. I’ve been miserable. Money has been a BIG problem with me. It’s the biggest reason for slipping away. Idk why either, it just got to me. I’ve went around in circles and didn’t understand why I couldn’t get out of this, & my son preaching to me made me realize that I ain’t getting no better because it’s God trying to get my attention. Like I said I’m not a druggy or a murderer or a thief or anything crazy like that. I just haven’t been leaning on God, just myself and that ain’t right. It ain’t about me it’s all about him. 
I turned everything in my house off including lights, threw my phone down too and laid across my bed with window open listening and watching the rain for 4 hours. Doing nothing but thinking about my life. I couldn’t cry, I just laid there emotionless. I just came to a point where I no longer wanna be unhappy, then I started to go to bed and that’s when my son came over. So a lot of thinking & preaching & praying=I feel a lot better!
And I don’t know what my future holds. But I know it will be better. I don’t even know where to start but I do know all I have to do is listen and he will guide me. And God is the only one I trust with my heart. It has been broken so many times but never by him. 
It will be rough. I will have to give up writing sex stories. At least to the public anyway, whoever is my forever it would be fine to do that for them and sharing & doing my crazy desires with him as well would be fine. That would be our thang, and I want him to be into it as much as me. But whoever is meant to be with me will, I know, I won’t have to worry lol. It will be hard for me to change back to that woman so don’t laugh if I slip up and post something crazy haha. I know I will be happier I just have to shake off this crazy person I’ve become. Lol. And I have went a little bit wild & out there haha. But now I only want to be wild & crazy for one man privately , who’s meant to be mine. I know I’m talking a lot about a man but I need someone to be mine that loves me back and will be true. Being single is to me a big temptation to end up dating a bunch of people you don’t want or need & you can’t focus on God like that. I’m not saying I’m becoming a nun lol, I’m still me it will be just that ‘One’will only read & experience what y’all been reading but won’t be reading anymore, I’m sorry about that but I don’t feel right about it. I will still write but it will be toned down quite a bit lol😂. 
I love my boys so much! They are my world!!! And I will gladly change my ways for God & them, they want the mom they used to know back & I want my relationship I had with them back! Idk where to start but God will show me. 
Living for God doesn’t mean you lose everything. You gain so much more & I’m not talking about materials… Can’t take em with ya lol. I know we all have different lifestyles and do different things but most of us are getting older & probably need to chill out some hahahaha, I know I do for sure. I’m already wondering what to write about now, I have no idea yet but it’ll come to me. I’m not no big author but I did catch a lot of readers attention on those sex stories so I’m sure I can catch readers on anything lol. I’ll leave the dirty stuff for my main squeeze haha🤣🤣. 
I do still want to blog & travel, just maybe not alone or maybe I will idk at this point really. Idk much of anything at this point but I do know I ain’t doing nothing without God anymore. And I need to spend more time reading my bible than I have been. I need to spend more time with my boys too. They may be older but they ain’t that old. I’ve pretty much climbed into a cave and hid for the last 6-8 months from everything and everyone. May take some time but I’ll come back out lol. I will have to either delete the Facebook blog page or go in and redo it (remove the dirty haha) & replace it with something else. I’m not deleting my posts for now but some will have to be marked private. 
I’m not leaving y’all I’m just gonna do everything in my power to live right and better. If I lose some of y’all I’m sorry I really am but bettering myself is more important than being miserable. I hope everyone understands and I’m sorry for those that don’t. I will still be here for those that need me to talk out problems. I’m still Lori, but the Lori y’all didn’t get to know but will soon is a much better person and a more loving woman. 
You know how small a mustard is? It’s tiny. And I was sitting here remembering when my faith was soooo strong before that I could have probably moved a mountain lol no joke. Not sure how I stumbled but I do know I didn’t fall. I’m not where I was but I can still hear God when he speaks, I was stubborn as usual and didn’t listen. 
I will talk to y’all soon, hope everyone has a great day!!! 
Love , Lori 💜

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