January 12, 2017

I almost shut it down😔

Hey y’all! Hope all is good. I’m as good as I can be I guess. I haven’t wrote nothing in a little while. There’s a reason for that. I’m having to make myself write this. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing I really do. I haven’t been able to work on my book at all, probably been like 2-3 weeks since I even tried. I don’t think it’s that writers block or nothing. It’s just me, I just can’t do it. I have ideas & thoughts but my mind is racing & I can’t sit down to write. 
I deleted my last post. I said shit about people I shouldn’t have said. Sometimes I get so angry & I have NO brakes as to when to shut the fuck up but yet I can’t tell people how I truly feel about them, ones I care about or have feelings for-go figure, I can’t spit it out. If I’m in person with someone that’s an idiot or someone says something that’s stupid or whatever, I literally have to hold my mouth shut & roll my lips together & keep my eyes still haha. Anyway, I gotta watch what I say about people cause that ain’t right. 
And the ‘I almost shut it down’ means I almost deleted this account & YouTube & removed my little books off of amazon. I all of sudden wanted to shut down & keep to myself. I have no idea why, I enjoy telling y’all about my crazy life but for some reason I’ve went into a hiding mode. I swear whatever I’m dealing with-depression-sadness shit seems to be moving in different motions. Like I went through a part where I had no emotions whatsoever then all I could do was cry for awhile, then feeling like I don’t matter to no damn body, to now wanting to run & hide. I hope like hell this is about over. I do have more good days than bad still but yet those bad days suck. I’m not crazy, just a little broken.
I start my second job today. Kinda excited but at the same time it sucks because I won’t hardly have any days off. But hopefully with two jobs I can take care of myself. I hope. I’m going to have to get second ride because I fear bitch(my truck) is gonna lay down on me soon. So I’d like to have something else to drive while I put her back in better shape. 
I had a good nap last night so I’ve been wide awake all night lol. Been hanging out with my younger son all night. So good to have company. We’ve talked about everything & drove around some & ended up at the Waffle House. I needed someone to be around me for a awhile like that, he stayed with me for hours, it helps. I’m alone too much I think.
I spotted a mustang on a car lot last week & we went to look at it tonight & it’s gone dammit. My son is gonna try to help me get another ride, I’m after a stang lol. And I’m a camaro girl but mustangs are turning my head lol. I refuse to pay on a grocery getter car. If I have to make payments it will be on a sexy ass car or nothing  period haha. 
Ok well I’m gonna try to sleep a couple of hours then head in to new job later. Wish me luck lol. 
Hope y’all have a wonderful day!! ❤️
Love, Lori 💕

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