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Sitting in silence this morning 

Good morning! I’m sitting here trying to wake up this morning, listening to the unfamiliar sound of rain. Sounds peaceful and I’d rather go back to sleep. I am glad we are getting rain, we need it bad. I’m about to hit the shower. I hope I don’t sound like a broken record lol. But dang I see so many people posting about having broken hearts & wanting that somebody to be their one. I do too but for me at the same time, I’m scared. Scared of being hurt again. At least being single nobody can truly hurt me, maybe piss me off but I don’t have to go through the bullshit of it all. Yes I do want someone, but the only way I will have a real relationship is if I’m the only one they want. I’ve been hurt enough. Do you ever wonder why you are not good enough for somebody? Why you ain’t good enough to be the only one they want? Why your not the only one they talk too?….. I do, have for a long time with several different people. I really do have a lot to offer someone in a relationship, not bragging, I just do. I don’t know. Maybe being alone is helping me sort things out and being able to see people for who or what they really are. Life is short and I really hope I don’t have to spend it wondering why can’t I be loved and just be loved. 
On a different note. I’m thankful for those that have helped me out financially and just being a friend to me. I don’t know how I would get through some of these weeks without them. I’m very grateful! 
Being single, I do have plans like traveling and stuff. But if I met someone or current things changed, I don’t know what my life would be like. Would I have to change my wants again? Like I did for years for others? Don’t seem fair. Ok, rambling again, can’t help it. All I do is think lol. 
Well I gotta get ready for the work thing today.. Blah. And I did get a small short pamplet like type of book for women published on Amazon the other day, kinda happy about it.:) Can’t wait to publish more. Loves y’all! 


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